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Just Posted
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E.L.L. Spells…

Posted by: footon | Category: Age 4

My 4 Year Old to me: "What does E. L. L. spell?" Me: "nothing" 4 Year Old to 6 Year Old Sister: "I know how to spell 'Nothing'". 6 Year Old: "How?" 4 Year Old: "E. L. L." ...

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Mashed Potatoes

Posted by: Geeore | Category: Age 6

"Mama, are mashed potatoes actually just really, really mashed up potatoes?"...

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The Wedding

Posted by: Potstickers | Category: Age 5

Girl 1 (5): My dad is in a wedding today. Girl 2 (6): Why? He's already married. Girl 1 (5): No, he's IN the wedding. Girl 3 (4): I know, he's probably the Ring Man....

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Star Wars

Posted by: TJS | Category: Age 7

Me (in Darth voice): "turn to the dark side and we will rule the galaxy as father and son" My son: "But what about Princess Leia?" Kids should watch Star Wars in the right order: Episodes 4,5,6,1,2,...

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Deep Thoughts

Posted by: TJS | Category: Age 3

My youngest son said "Mom, socks are not cages."...

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Tattling

Posted by: Geeore | Category: Age 3

My 3 year old, tattling on her sister: "She's saying stinky words...  like Stinky!"...

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From Head to Toe

Posted by: bassmasterson | Category: Age 6

I told my six-year-old not to come out of her room until she was dressed from head to toe (meaning she needed to put shoes on). She said, "Does that mean I need to wear some kind of a mask or somethin...

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Out Of Nowhere

Posted by: knot2afrayed | Category: Age 5

Can I sit on your butt?...

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pre-surgery

Posted by: Bellasdad | Category: Age 8

So, Izabella being sedated before tonsil surgery looked at me and said "if you had four eyes, you'd be an ugly alien"...

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That’s Heavy

Posted by: Geeore | Category: Age 3

Olivia, who is 3: "Which is heavier? A really big ice cream cone or an American flag?" Me: "I have no idea!" ...

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Most Views
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The Birthday Present

Posted by: Steven Yo | Category: Age 5

Dad: "What does Thomas want for his birthday?" Jennifer: "Well, he likes most anything with rainbows on it. And he like tutus."...

396223 total views, 89 so far today
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Mmm. Tree Bark.

Posted by: 247Mom | Category: Age 4

"If mommy spends all of our money, we'll have to live in the street and eat tree bark."...

396202 total views, 90 so far today
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Pooped!

Posted by: JenniO | Category: Age 3

After chasing our dog around the house for 10 minutes. Bailey, who is 5: I'm Pooped! Alexis, who is 3: I'm Peepeed!...

396181 total views, 89 so far today
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Broken dogs?

Posted by: Rob M. | Category: Age 5

As we were leaving to go shopping one day, we saw a male Labrador Retriever in our front yard. My said, "What a pretty Lab." I replied, "Yeah, but he's not fixed.". My five-year-old said from the back...

396150 total views, 89 so far today
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Tecksticular

Posted by: jokeranker | Category: Age 3, Age 5

3 Year Old Daughter: "Daddy Looks tecksticular!" Me: "Daddy looks TESTICULAR???" 5 Year Old Daughter: "I think she was trying to say spectacular."...

394518 total views, 91 so far today
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I’m Old

Posted by: FritoBandito | Category: Age 5

In the car on the way to get donuts on Sunday morning my 5 year old said to me - If you forgot your iPod, then how are we listening to music right now?...

394181 total views, 91 so far today
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Salty

Posted by: Highlands | Category: Age 6

Mommy: "Why do you keep licking me?" My Daughter: "You taste salty."...

394088 total views, 88 so far today
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Unholy Moly

Posted by: ConnorsDad | Category: Age 5

At bedtime my 5 year old boy asks "Daddy, does the Devil look like a mole?" My answer, after moles have lived in our backyard for several years, was a resounding "YES!"...

393824 total views, 90 so far today
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Big Buns

Posted by: momuvtwins | Category: Age 4

I patted my four year old twin's bottom and said "Your buns are so little" She patted my buns and said "Momma has BIG buns!" ...

393643 total views, 90 so far today
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Then Stop

Posted by: Geeore | Category: Age 4

Gabriella: My hand tastes like mud. Blech! Daddy: Then stop licking it....

393386 total views, 89 so far today
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Ten Randoms
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The Wedding

Posted by: Potstickers | Category: Age 5

Girl 1 (5): My dad is in a wedding today. Girl 2 (6): Why? He's already married. Girl 1 (5): No, he's IN the wedding. Girl 3 (4): I know, he's probably the Ring Man....

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Salty

Posted by: Highlands | Category: Age 6

Mommy: "Why do you keep licking me?" My Daughter: "You taste salty."...

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Out Of Nowhere

Posted by: knot2afrayed | Category: Age 5

Can I sit on your butt?...

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Easter Bunny

Posted by: mommyof3 | Category: Unknown Age

easter eggs come from the easter bunnies butt...

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My 2 year old trying to sing where is th...

Posted by: Jared213 | Category: Age 2

[tube]OC1KjzWKNSQ[/tube] Comes out sounding not quite right, but pretty funny. ...

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Unholy Moly

Posted by: ConnorsDad | Category: Age 5

At bedtime my 5 year old boy asks "Daddy, does the Devil look like a mole?" My answer, after moles have lived in our backyard for several years, was a resounding "YES!"...

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Earth shaking screams

Posted by: momToAllBoys | Category: Age 4

My 2 yr old Lucas was doing one of his "terrible twos" gut wrenching screams, and his brother, our 4 yr old son Jack said to him: "Lukey quit youre going to broke the whole house down, then we not goi...

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Big Buns

Posted by: momuvtwins | Category: Age 4

I patted my four year old twin's bottom and said "Your buns are so little" She patted my buns and said "Momma has BIG buns!" ...

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No love

Posted by: momToAllBoys | Category: Age 4

My 2 and 4 year old boys were fighting, so after some separate time out sessions, I told them to hug each other and say sorry. My 4 yr old then told me that he doesnt give hugs because he is not a "gr...

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Ummm….

Posted by: mommyof3 | Category: Unknown Age

"Run! The cops!"...

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Welcome to Funny Things My Kid Said

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Having kids is one of the most awesome experiences in life. Some of the things they say will either having you rolling on the floor, blushing with embarrassment, or biting your tongue. This is the place to share your stories or quotes.

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